Today is a different day .
I’m not usually one to say anything too personal about my life on a public blog . But you know, not a whole lot of people know about this website . And I kinda like it that way . It makes me feel less like I’m trying to gain recognition for anything I might type, and I’m really just speaking my mind to a very limited few, who stumble through the doorway by sheer chance . Maybe then, it’s meant to be you .
I don’t really advertise . I’m not much for that . I like it better when YOU feel special because even though I know you’re only one of like a few dozen people, I’m still going to write to you anyway . Even though, in a way, I’m talking to myself here . I still know you’re listening . And I’m okay with that .
So anyway ..
I think I’ve recently come to grips with the fact that there’s something in my life I’m not too happy about .
For those of you who don’t know me, which is pretty much all of you, I view life like a forever work-in-progress . So it’s
rare that I take a step back and find that I’m not happy with something, because usually, I’m nowhere near finished with it .
No sense to judge it just yet .
Actually, back it up . I shouldn’t have said that none of you know me . My mistake .
Want to know something funny/interesting/pretty cool ?
The majority of you, who have never met me, seen me, talked to me, or even been in the same room as me …
… probably know exactly what to get me as a gift .
I noticed that . When I meet fans, some gifts have hit a personal spot that so many people who have known me for years can’t touch . That’s because so many of you have listened . And read . And researched . And just … known . I’m impressed by that, always .
But today, the reason I’m even telling you that I’m not happy with something, isn’t because I want you to come cheer me up . Or share a quote with me, or lend some advice . I’m perfectly okay with what I plan to do .
But in case you feel like you’re not happy with something in YOUR life, ask yourself if you’re finished with it yet .
If it’s something that you’re still continuing to work on, and you just haven’t completed the improvements, then there’s no reason to sacrifice your happiness over its current state . Just keep working on it, do what you can, and always have an eye on the big picture .
There are a lot of times when sculptures, paintings, movie scripts, articles, and every other subjective piece of work can appear as a lost cause . But until the product itself is complete, it doesn’t deserve to be judged .
However, judge all you want, even so . I’m not saying it’s wrong to judge things . I’ve always believed whether or not you choose to judge something, you do have the right to assess situations for what you believe they might be . But sometimes it’s too soon to judge, because you’re likely to be wrong, when you don’t have enough information .
And you can live with that . If we’re talking about judging paintings, sculptures, and things .
But in life, we tend to mislabel the things that are most important to us .
Because we’re so impatient to find out exactly what it means . And that’s when we really pay the price .
I’m in that space right now . Wanting to know what something means, and being disappointed by what I presently think it is .
Wondering what the price is going to be, if I ever discover that I have to pay it .
If not, then I need to keep working . Finish the improvements . And keep my eye on the big picture .
Even if I have to squint to see it .
. ryan
I’m one of those people that haven’t even been in the same room as you. But it think i just made a different kind of connection with the sentences you typed up.
By: Mandy on June 21, 2010
at 6:40 pm
I too have never met you, Ryan, but I feel like reading things like this can really make me think and develop an idea of what you’re like and how you think. I agree that judging is one of those concepts that goes two ways. There’s a time to judge and there’s a time to just sit back and learn about the person or situation before judging.
If you’re not happy with something right now, Ryan, don’t dwell on it for too long. Although I say that with hesitation, because I don’t know what it is you’re unhappy with; it could be a big part of your life, and in that case I can see why you’re taking the time out to think carefully about it. I hope it works out for you.
By: Amber on June 21, 2010
at 8:26 pm
I am one of those people who don’t know you at all, but with what you just blogged makes me feel like I “know” you a little better. I share the same veiws you have on judging things, people, and situations. I hope that you can soon find a way to be happy again! It might take a few days or a few minutes, but you’ll find a way to work everything out. I’m very glad that you are greatful for you fans who listen and research just to get you the perfect b-day gift. I hope everything works out for you! <3 Jess
By: Jess on June 21, 2010
at 9:03 pm
While reading this post I felt very emotional. Like I wasn’t the one who was reading it, but like I heard a voice, fairy tale voice that was reading it. I have nothing to say. I don’t want to ruin the feeling your words created inside of me with my everyday words. Respect.
By: Ivana on June 21, 2010
at 9:17 pm
I too have never met you, however I appreciate that you take the time to allow us the opportunity to get to know you. So, thank you for sharing some thoughts with us. To be honest we’ll probably never meet and that’s okay, because you have touched my life in a way that I will never forget. ~Mal
By: Mallory on June 22, 2010
at 3:27 am
I am too far away to meet u, but I’m glad technologies exist, they give us lots of chances to get to know the other someone .. like u.
In this fine morning, I felt inspired already just reading this. Thank u ryan !
By: Dya on June 22, 2010
at 3:49 am
Life Itself presents in a different intro. It has no title for it is unclear of it’s points plots climax nor ending. Although it has a audience, the ppl around us, it’s closing always seems to b changing or so we think. Wen we feel lik we’ve gripped n gained control somehow it manages to drift n twist in a hurlin end, which is not a end but a beginnin of a new context. That my friend is not the defination of life but one of the mysterious covents it holds upon us.
By: Phoenix fire on June 22, 2010
at 6:16 am
Dear Ryan,
You never fail to amazed me . I’m inspired . Thank you .
By: Aly on June 22, 2010
at 9:40 am
Even though I’ll never meet you Ryan, getting to know you in the ways that are possible like research and what not fill in for the fact that I’ll never meet you or be in the same room as you. I love reading your blogs makes me think about alot of things and i agree with this one when it comes to judgement. You inspire me with all that you do and i hope that you’ll be happy again and your problem will be solved. Much Love=)
By: Kelly on June 23, 2010
at 4:14 pm
if we’re lucky, hind sight is 20/20 my brother. i know cus i used to work at lenscrafters. i agree that we tend to mislabel the important things in life. i think that may just mean it’s time to take the label off of that something and place that label correctly – where it rightly belongs. unfortunately, perceptions change with time, and so does the price. i hope the price is right when you finally squint to see it for what it is.
- es
By: es on June 24, 2010
at 6:10 am
maybe some advice couldn’t be a bad thing. sometimes you need more than one point of view to the see whole picture. =D
I have met you once in NY during the samsung 5 city tour. I asked you for advice about dancing/school. You gave me great advice and i was inspired that you always stay confident no matter what you do.
I hope when discover this big picture it is something u can be proud of.
By: gaurav on June 24, 2010
at 10:56 am
People like you are few and far between. I’m only 16, but i like to think that I am.. well i never found a word for it. Basically a person who sits back and observes situations, mentally contemplating and judging everything.. sometimes its a burden, because i see people who have such simple lives and have little inner conflict because they don’t take the time to stop and think about things. It’s almost like we look at things from one extra perspective than most others do and through it we achieve higher levels of cognition and understanding. Through reading what you just wrote, I feel happy that I’ve found another person with true and genuine thoughts, instead of someone who would write a blog like this just for a sense of importance and intellectualism. Keep at what you do, you’re truly talented.
By: Carlos Jurado on June 27, 2010
at 4:17 am
I really needed that right now.
Really, really badly.
That’s a really beautiful way of looking at life. It’s a great way to continuously improve yourself and to keep the hope alive to keep moving forward.
It’s like the turtle and the hare story!
You’re a turtle-like too Ryan (: !
By: Sage on June 27, 2010
at 6:05 am
You made me think. Thank you for that <3
By: Tiina on June 27, 2010
at 9:56 am
I love your way of looking at life.
Reading your post today really made me think about what i’m unhappy with in my life and about how its up to me to change things
I’ve spend too much time thinking about the bad things in my life and its making me miss out on some of the good things
Thank you for inspiring me to get out and do something that makes me happy
I don’t know what your unhappy about, so i’m not going to give you advice.
But I do hope that it all works out
And thank you for being such an inspiring person
By: Joanne on June 27, 2010
at 11:41 am
You squint to see it because you’re asian;D
It’s okay, I’m asian too .
Haha but seriously, thanks for those words =]
By: Camille on June 28, 2010
at 3:35 am
I’m constantly amazed by your immense talent (and I mean that in a good way).
First seeing you and the guys of quest dance and show us just a glimpse of your many talents, then digging deeper and finding this more private, profound side of you.
Since I found this site I’ve been reading non stop and everytime I’m done I have goose-bumps and I’m left momentarily speechless.
You have an amazing gift, I’m so very grateful that you’ve chosen to share it with us.
You said before that though most of us have never met you, we probably know the best gifts to give you because we pay attention, but you’re giving back just as much by simply sharing such inspiring pieces.
So thank YOU, for inspiring ME.
You can rest assured knowing that after reading your work I do feel special, it lifts my spirits no matter what and makes me feel like I can achieve anything.
So again thank you.
Much love <3
By: Valerie Lopez A on June 29, 2010
at 6:23 am
Also thought I’d let you know, I just shared this with my older brother (he’s not much for literature of ANY form…hence why I ended up reading it to him lmao) anyways, I had the pleasure of watching him sit on the couch afterwards not knowing what to say.
Needless to say, I think you may have converted him into a believer. So thank you for that too =)
By: Valerie Lopez A on June 29, 2010
at 6:53 am
I take my time to at least once a week check this website and every time it leaves me speechless.
No matter what you write or show me … It’s just overwelming! I’m writing here something becouse I feel like It’s the only right thing to do.
I will always listen if that helps.
And thank you for inspiring me and becouse I just have nowhere to say I want you to know: Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You changed my life, my lifestyle(in a great way), my reasoning and almost everything and I’m very grateful for that.
By: Špela on July 2, 2010
at 7:28 pm
Maybe I should judge myself again.Judging gives me more power and stress to advance.Seeing you study so much,I have more courage to study what I like.The power of example is great,and you have been my example.
By: danielraphael on July 3, 2010
at 9:38 am
Thank you. :]
By: Rachel on July 6, 2010
at 4:58 am
Your writing always inspires me… thank you
By: :) on July 13, 2010
at 10:15 pm
The first few paragraphs have hit me because I really did stumble by this… I was looking at Quest performances, and one thing led to another.. Which led me here. To be honest, I don’t even know what to get you because I have never met you… Although I wish I could. =)
Even though I haven’t really ‘kept in touch’ with you, I remember reading past blogs from you.. and they always touch me – this one is no different.
I hope that one day, Ryan, I get to see you and get you the present that will touch your heart. ^^
By: AnnieBee on July 14, 2010
at 4:38 am
wow that was really amazing Ryan. I even read it twice.
I love how what you write, really comes from the heart. it seems like you dont even have to think about it and it all just flows.
Thank you so much for giving those of us who dont know you the chance to get to know you even just a little. And for sharing your feelings , especially about something we all share, life and judging.
You have really inspired me with this and many other people so i hope you continue to write these blogs.
much love ryan, i hope i can get to know you more someday and maybe even meet you (: <3
MAHAL KITA <3
By: Kat on July 15, 2010
at 4:08 am
It seems that you are too carrying this heavy weight on your shoulders by examining everything and everyone so closely and carefully that it starts to hurt… This could be called a curse or a blessing, but I think about it as an undeniable part of your personality that signifies that you are a deeper, more mature, observant person, who can give knowledge to other people while going through difficult experiences yourself. I hope that you will find peace and happiness one day, Ryan.
By: Black_Winds on July 18, 2010
at 9:58 pm
- it takes love to want to study someone. your fans are in love with you ^^
- working on something in progress is a form of hope too. indeed we ought to find joy in it and not fret. very nice of you to have lived it thru, think about it and not forget to put it down in words to share with us
- nice analogy using artwork in progress to explain the mystery of outcome. a good friend once told me that art is a metaphor of creation/ God’s creativity.
“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. ” ~your favourite brainy person
-do you experience that during your dance too? considering the amount of creativity displayed, it must hv taken a lot of experimenting. so i bet.
-as a business student i gotta throw in “bounded rationality” by herbert a simon. haha. we can never get full information on anything but we’re always pressed to make decisions quickly. follow your heart?
-the thought of a “disappointed” ryan upsets me. i believe you won’t say such things unless you really mean it.due to my limited imagination, i can’t guess what that something is.
- tonight when i pray to God for wisdom, i’ll pray for you too (:
By: Wan Jing on July 20, 2010
at 12:59 pm
I’ve been in that space too. And I kind of do that same thing with everything which …I guess is why I kind of stop a lot of things right in the middle of the process. (I was writing a draft about that just now.)
I tend to judge things really quickly…I guess because I’m so anxious about…I don’t even know..haha.
I just wanted to say that I’m glad you wrote this because one part may help me.
“There are a lot of times when sculptures, paintings, movie scripts, articles, and every other subjective piece of work can appear as a lost cause . But until the product itself is complete, it doesn’t deserve to be judged .”
“…But sometimes it’s too soon to judge, because you’re likely to be wrong, when you don’t have enough information .”
I don’t know why…but I never really thought of it that way. haha… I rarely DO have enough info…how silly of me.
I’m going to finish no matter how ridiculous something is …..and then I’ll judge it.
At least I can show people I’ve been working on SOMETHING…
I hope you figure it all out and that it turns out being what you want it to be.
By: Isabell on July 21, 2010
at 5:54 am
I read a lot of your things. Here and on myspace. And they touched me in ways that you can’t imagine. I a way so personal that i will leave you a response but as a message on myspace,a private response. Because i do feel like you were talking to me on almost everything you wrote here and on myspace =)
By: sOl on July 23, 2010
at 11:52 pm
A Dog Has Died
My dog has died.
I buried him in the garden
next to a rusted old machine.
Some day I’ll join him right there,
but now he’s gone with his shaggy coat,
his bad manners and his cold nose,
and I, the materialist, who never believed
in any promised heaven in the sky
for any human being,
I believe in a heaven I’ll never enter.
Yes, I believe in a heaven for all dogdom
where my dog waits for my arrival
waving his fan-like tail in friendship.
Ai, I’ll not speak of sadness here on earth,
of having lost a companion
who was never servile.
His friendship for me, like that of a porcupine
withholding its authority,
was the friendship of a star, aloof,
with no more intimacy than was called for,
with no exaggerations:
he never climbed all over my clothes
filling me full of his hair or his mange,
he never rubbed up against my knee
like other dogs obsessed with sex.
No, my dog used to gaze at me,
paying me the attention I need,
the attention required
to make a vain person like me understand
that, being a dog, he was wasting time,
but, with those eyes so much purer than mine,
he’d keep on gazing at me
with a look that reserved for me alone
all his sweet and shaggy life,
always near me, never troubling me,
and asking nothing.
Ai, how many times have I envied his tail
as we walked together on the shores of the sea
in the lonely winter of Isla Negra
where the wintering birds filled the sky
and my hairy dog was jumping about
full of the voltage of the sea’s movement:
my wandering dog, sniffing away
with his golden tail held high,
face to face with the ocean’s spray.
Joyful, joyful, joyful,
as only dogs know how to be happy
with only the autonomy
of their shameless spirit.
There are no good-byes for my dog who has died,
and we don’t now and never did lie to each other.
So now he’s gone and I buried him,
and that’s all there is to it.
Translated, from the Spanish, by Alfred Yankauer
Pablo Neruda
I guess you more than anyone will understand and appreciate this poem,i read and thought of you,of your post on myspace.
Love,
sOl
By: sOl on July 25, 2010
at 2:02 pm
this is making me cry ur amazing ryan
By: Questie12 on July 26, 2010
at 2:08 am
I just read today your text about Norin,about your dream. And i listened to the music you made for it while i was reading. And i could really see it,you know? I could really see the place,the people,the faces,the doors,the watterfalls,the rooms. You have a real gitf to describe what’s in your mind,or what happens to you, because i could totally see it,i was there you know? I hope you never stop doing it, even if you don’t post it,i’m sure you lots of things that you haven’t post,just like i have,but don’t stop. Even if it’s just for you. sOl*
By: sOl on July 28, 2010
at 3:25 pm
I don’t know you, but I feel that you don’t really mind that too much at the moment. I’ll have you know, however, that you are an absolutley incredible person. You inspire me to be better at whatever I attempt to do. You’re truly helped me through the hardest parts of my life by simply doing what you do. Dancing. Playling piano. Goofing off with your friends. All of it.
I understand you aren’t happy with something, but like you said, maybe it’s just not done yet. It isn’t finished.
Some quotes? Well I have a few of those…
“Beauty is life and living is what everyone strives for. Choose your paths wisely and never look back. And if you do decide to look back, glance at the beauty you have chosen in your life.” -Zack Merrick, Bassist of All Time Low.
That one always makes me feel better.
I hope whatever this unhappiness may be, that it goes away soon. I hope everything falls into place soon enough.
Good luck, Ryan, with everything. May peace and happiness be with you.
By: Becca on August 2, 2010
at 6:30 am
this is my first time commenting. am a big fan of yours.. haha. not sure if you’ll realy read this but. here goes nothing.ü
its cool how you looked at your worries in that perspective. if it were me, i would have given up a little quickly. though it may not be your intention… thanks for the words, they can help encourage others. like me.
btw, i honestly thnk that your awesome. and that even if your worried about something, know that being who you are, you inspire others.ü
By: mayeen on September 7, 2010
at 10:23 am
I just wanted to say I have met/seen you at Venice Piazza last December 2010. I’m so happy that night. Wish I could see you someday and talk to you. Because of Filipinos who are very successful outside the Philippines, I can say that I’m very proud being a Filipino.
Anyway, I love all what you wrote even though it’s too serious and sometimes not too serious, you inspired many people out there, people who likes dancing, writing, composing and people who are just simply reading your posts. You make everyone amazed. Reading all what you wrote has a meaning that makes the reader what really life means. Thank You for inspiring me in dancing and in writing some poems like this.
Wish you’ll be back at Philippines!
By: poncy on January 19, 2011
at 1:16 pm
This is a pretty late reply, I just sort of stumbled across your page tonight, and I think the manner in which you explain your rationalizations about life is amazing. I never thought of looking at life from that perspective you have, because I tend to worry a lot. But I’ve always felt like the one thing that will never change, is change itself. We will always experience change no matter what and thus is my motivation for going through the hard shit (the angry the sad and the boring) that occurs: I know something will happen and it’ll get better.
Anyways, basically i just wanted to say this is very insightful and it made me think, a lot of articles that are written like this don’t. I’m currently in university for Journalism, and I can only hope to aspire to be half as good as explaining and description as you are
I hope you fix whatever you are trying to heal.
By: Becky on March 11, 2011
at 7:04 am